Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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