She even gives head with a lisp.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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