That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
