Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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