Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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