When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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