if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
