by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
