he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am naked and annoyed.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
