when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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