And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
