So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
