Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
They took my balls.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
