I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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