Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
