I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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