So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
