I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to sanitize my soul.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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