i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
