Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Fuck appropriateness.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
