Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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