ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
