I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
