I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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