i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
