this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
