im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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