so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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