And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
