How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
