if you like me you must not know who I am
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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