Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
