im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
