Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
