Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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