my phone needs a breathalizer
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
