Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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