There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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