Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I look better un-naked...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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