Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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