Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
