Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Randomize
