the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
