I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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