I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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