"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
