I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
