How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
