Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
