I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
